Pastor Michael Bowman

Seventy-Seven Times: An Introduction to Forgiveness

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“Then Peter came up and said to him, “Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?” Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you seven times, but seventy-seven times.” (Matt. 18:21-22)

Jesus had just spoken about the process of church discipline and what that should look like. Having brought up the idea of forgiving a brother who sins against us, Peter may have been looking for an out. Most of us would be doing the same thing. “Sure, we should forgive but only seven times, I mean not if someone keeps on being sinful right?” “I get the whole forgiveness of sins thing, but that’s for people who have sinned in much more minor ways, you don’t understand what my Dad did to me…” “I can’t forgive my husband, he needs to get what he deserves.” The excuses could go on.

Jesus wasn’t unaware of our hearts and our natural inclination toward revenge. In fact, that’s why he answered the way he did. “I do not say to you seven times, but seventy-seven times.” This isn’t the number of sins you have to tally in your journal before you can stop forgiving someone. In fact if you are keeping track enough to count up to seventy-seven, then you actually haven’t forgiven even once. Forgiveness won’t be keeping a record of wrongs. So what is the Lord saying? It’s much more profound than you might initially think.

In Genesis 4 we get the story of Cain and Abel. After Cain kills his brother we get a list of his descendants. In vs. 19 we learn of Lamech, seemingly the first person to take more than one wife, and in vs. 23-24 it says, “Lamech said to his wives: Adah and Zillah, hear my voice; you wives of Lamech, listen to what I say: I have killed a man for wounding me, a young man for striking me. If Cain’s revenge is sevenfold, then Lamech’s is seventy-sevenfold.” Does that help you understand what Jesus is saying?

Left to ourselves we are all like Lamech. We have revenge in our hearts. It shouldn’t take you long to think of an occasion where you desired (or tried to carry out) revenge when someone sinned against you. Your spouse said something cruel so you punish them by not speaking with them. Someone slanders you and says false things about you to other people in the church so you make sure to tell everyone the dirt you’ve been gathering on them. You lash out in anger when someone let you down at work. Much like the excuses, we could just keep going.

Christ brought forgiveness into the world. If you are a Christian, then you have been forgiven, your sins are no longer remembered and you have been reconciled to God. You are now called to forgive in kind, to forgive as you have been forgiven, to bear the sin of others. Calling for forgiveness seventy-seven times was not Jesus’ way of setting a higher standard. What is being called for is a totally different outlook on the world. It’s the evidence of a transformed heart, something that comes as a result of God’s forgiveness toward us. This is really the starting place of the Christian life, yet how often do we get it wrong? Sin is a guarantee in our families and in the church; how we deal with it shows whether or not we understand forgiveness. How do you live out this new heart of forgiveness? What would it look like for us as a church if we lived out Christ’s call to forgive seventy-seven times? 

As Far as the East is from the West

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“The LORD is merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love. He will not always chide, nor will he keep his anger forever. He does not deal with us according to our sins, nor repay us according to our iniquities. For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his steadfast love toward those who fear him; as far as the east is from the west, so far does he remove our transgressions from us. As a father shows compassion to his children, so the LORD shows compassion to those who fear him. For he knows our frame; he remembers that we are dust.” (Psalm 103:8-14)

In order to understand forgiveness we have to define it, and in order to define it we have to start with the character and work of God. In order to do that, let’s begin by looking at what God has revealed about his character that informs our definition of forgiveness. We will start in Psalm 103. This Psalm begins and ends with the phrase, “Bless the LORD O my soul.” The whole goal of the Psalm is to draw the reader into worship, blessing the LORD. Toward that end, vs. 2 says, “Bless the LORD, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits.” What is the first benefit mentioned? “Who forgives all your iniquities.” Praise the Lord because he forgives! This Psalm expands on the forgiving character of God, and I want to bring your attention to a few of the things that are mentioned. 

First, God’s forgiveness flows out of his character. “The LORD is merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love. He will not always chide, nor will he keep his anger forever.” This is echoing the way in which God revealed himself to Moses in Exodus 34. In this passage, before proclaiming these things, it says that literally God was proclaiming his name. This is God’s name. In other words, these words define the very nature of who he is. God is not defined primarily by his anger, wrath, displeasure or disappointment. He has defined himself primarily by his mercy, grace and love. In that way, his forgiveness flows out of his love. Love here is not the sentimental, nice feelings that we often think of, rather it is the beneficial action done on behalf of it’s object. 

Second, his forgiveness means he doesn’t treat us as we deserve. “He does not deal with us according to our sins, nor repay us according to our iniquities.” Our nature leads us to want to get people back when they have wronged us, to give them what they deserve. This isn’t how God has treated us. He doesn’t treat us as we deserve, and what a glorious truth that is. God does not love us because we have earned it, he doesn’t forgive us because we are entitled to that forgiveness. It flows out of his character, not ours, out of his grace and mercy, not our goodness. 

Third, in his loving forgiveness, he has removed our transgressions from us. “For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his steadfast love toward those who fear him; as far as the east is from the west, so far does he remove our transgressions from us.” For those who fear the LORD and are the object of his redeeming love, sin is not the defining feature of who they are. He has done away with it. Though they have transgressed his Law, he has removed the sins from them. It’s not that your transgressions have been taken down the road a short way and are bound to find their way back to you.  No, they have been removed “as far as the east is from the west.” As far as far is, as distant as it is possible to move them, so has he done for those he loves. You don’t have to live in fear thinking your sins might find you out and dominate you once again. They are never coming back. 

Fourth and finally, his forgiveness flows out of his Fatherhood. “As a father shows compassion to his children, so the LORD shows compassion to those who fear him. For he knows our frame; he remembers that we are dust.” A good father doesn’t allow sin to define his relationship to his child. It’s not that he is passive in the presence of sin. He does deal with it, but he does so always out of compassion. That is how God deals with you who are in Christ. He knows your weaknesses, he knows your brokenness, he knows your finitude. As a good Father, he does not let your sin destroy you or your relationship with him. He deals with it, removing it from you, forgiving you for all of it. These glorious truths lead to one response, “Bless the LORD, O my soul!”

Ready To Forgive

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“…if my people who are called by my name humble themselves, and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and heal their land.” (2 Chronicles 7:14)

How do you think of God? What do you think he is like? Do you think that he is watching every move you make just hoping that you trip up so he can punish you? Do you think he is looking for any opportunity to cast you out? Perhaps it’s because of the failure of our own fathers, or maybe it’s a misunderstanding of Scripture, but there is a common sentiment among believers that, if they are honest, they think God is generally disappointed and angry with them. Now, of course, this may be true in a limited way if you are living in unrepentant sin and rebelling against him. Still, as we’ve seen in the last article, God’s anger and displeasure are not the defining features of his character. God has revealed himself to be a loving Father, and that is shown in part by his readiness to forgive. 

Here is a question: Would you be more likely to confess your sins to someone if you knew they were ready and willing to forgive you, or if you knew the only response you would receive is of displeasure, disappointment and maybe an end to the relationship? It’s a no brainer. We would all rather confess sins to someone if we knew rejection wasn’t the guaranteed response. Well, God is the kind of God who is ready and willing to forgive your sins when you will confess them to Him.  

God wants his people to bring their sins to him to be dealt with. It’s not as though he is unaware of them. Our reaction to sin is often to try to cover our own shame and run away. Just like our first parents, we try to hide from God. This happens when we are focused more on the shamefulness of the sin than the graciousness of our Father. Sure, the sin is shameful; it’s supposed to be. It’s not a problem to be ashamed of sin. The problem is when we stop there. Shame is supposed to drive us to humble ourselves, pray to our Father and seek his face, not hide from it. When we respond in this way God says, “then I will hear from heaven and will forgive their sin.” 

God is a God who wants to forgive; it overflows from his heart. “For you, O Lord, are good and forgiving, abounding in steadfast love to all who call upon you” (Ps. 86:5). Because of his goodness, his mercy, his grace, and his love, he is not waiting around to hold your sin against you. He isn’t hoping for you to fail so he can throw it in your face. He doesn’t want shame and guilt to be a weight that crushes you but a leash or tether that draws you back to him. “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness” (1 Jn. 1:9).

Don’t hide from the face of God. Don’t allow the lies of the devil to keep you from bringing your sin and shame and guilt to the heavenly Father. He is faithful, he is just. No, he will not by any means pardon the guilty, he will not deal lightly with sin, but in Christ he has made an end to all of it for you. Come, confess your sins to him, he is quick and ready to forgive.

Tread Our Iniquities Underfoot

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“Who is a God like you, pardoning iniquity and passing over transgression for the remnant of his inheritance? He does not retain his anger forever, because he delights in steadfast love. He will again have compassion on us; he will tread our iniquities underfoot. You will cast all our sins into the depths of the sea. You will show faithfulness to Jacob  and steadfast love to Abraham, as you have sworn to our fathers from the days of old.” (Micah 7:18-20)

Is there any God like the Lord? The obvious answer is no, but what sets him apart? In large part what sets the Lord apart from false gods is his forgiveness. In this passage, Micah draws on themes from many ideas in Scripture, and it would do us well to think through some of these ideas again even if we have covered them already. 

First the Lord is a God who pardons iniquity and passes over transgressions. He does this for his people, “the remnant of his inheritance.” How does he do this? There is a hint in the phrase that he “passes over transgressions.” What does that remind you of? Hopefully it will remind you of the night of passover. Passover began after the final plague in Egypt, the Angel of death which claimed the firstborn of all the Egyptians. The only way the Israelites were kept from the same judgement as those around them was because, trusting in the Lord, their homes were covered by the blood of a lamb which was put on their doorposts. This was symbolic of something that God actually continued to do until the coming of Christ. The propitiatory work of Christ on the Cross was done in part, “to show God’s righteousness, because in his divine forbearance he had passed over former sins” (Rom. 3:25) He passed over the sins of his people because they were covered in the blood of the lamb of God, the one who would come and make an end to their sin. That is why God could pardon them. 

Second, the sins of the people would be cast into the depths of the sea. The idea here is one that we’ve already looked at. The sins will be taken far away. They will no longer define the people, they will no longer be central to their identity, they will no longer be held over their head. They will be done away with completely. To cast something into the depths of the sea was to cast it somewhere from which it could never return. There is no sin coming back to haunt you if it has been forgiven by the Lord. 

Third and finally is this phrase, “He will again have compassion on us; he will tread our iniquities underfoot.” His compassion will be made known through treading underfoot our iniquities. I would propose that this phrase is also meant to remind us of something that God has promised earlier in Scripture. In Genesis 3:15 while God is cursing the serpent he includes a promise, “I will put enmity between you and the woman, and between your offspring and her offspring; he shall bruise your head, and you shall bruise his heel.” Someday a child born of the woman would come and crush the head of the serpent under his foot, though in doing so he would be wounded. 

I think Micah is drawing on this image. Our iniquity, our sinful nature, God was going to crush it under his foot. He would make an end to it out of his compassion for us. This is exactly what forgiveness in Christ is. Christ was wounded on the cross, his heel was bruised, but he also dealt the finishing blow to our sin. The sin that once defined us was tread under the feet of God, his wrath was poured out, and it was done that you might be forgiven. 

Abundant Pardon

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“Seek the Lord while he may be found; call upon him while he is near; Let the wicked forsake his way, and the unrighteous man his thoughts; let him return to the Lord, that he may have compassion on him, and to our God, for he will abundantly pardon.” (Isaiah 55:6-7)

The Lord doesn’t skimp when it comes to forgiveness. He isn’t stingy with his grace. When he is pouring out the blessing it leads to an overflowing cup not thirst. That seems like maybe it’s a no brainer. Maybe you think, “well of course that’s true, why are we going over this once again”, but do you really get it? Do you actually believe it? 

The Lord is rich in grace and it is out of those riches that he bestows on us true forgiveness. “In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of his grace…” (Eph. 1:7). He’s so wealthy that he is constantly giving it away and just doesn’t stop. He doesn’t hold back when it comes to grace. He’s not afraid that his forgiveness might be misused by those he pours it out on, that is almost a guarantee. But his giving is both benevolent and efficacious. It actually does something to change the object of his grace. As his riches overflow his account into theirs it teaches them how to be rich and benevolent with grace. 

Isaiah 55 is full of imagery that shows his grace. The chapter begins with the prophet calling people to come to the gracious God of heaven saying, “Come, everyone who thirsts, come to the waters; and he who has no money, come, buy and eat! Come, buy wine and milk without money and without price” (Is. 55:1). Are you poor? Homeless? Hungry? Are you in spiritual need (helpful hint: you are)? Then come to the Father who gives good gifts. 

He calls the wicked back to himself, and what does he do when they come to him? He has compassion on them, and relevant to our topic it says, he will abundantly pardon. You might say within yourself, “You could just say he will pardon. Isn’t it a bit much to keep emphasizing this? You don’t want God to sound like he doesn’t have standards. He won’t pardon just anyone…” No, God is a God who will abundantly pardon any who come to him. Yes, there are qualifications that can be made, but not here. He doesn’t go light on forgiveness, he lays it on thick. He’s not your mom trying to stretch every dollar, pinching pennies. He isn’t your dad always turning down the thermostat to save on the electric bill. His pardon is abundant. It’s interesting that most of us have heard the verses directly following this one. “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts” (Is. 55:8-9). You usually hear this text quoted in connection to in-depth theological debates when someone points out that we can’t know all the mysteries of God, but have you ever heard it in reference to how forgiving God is? It’s not that it doesn’t apply more broadly but it happens to come right after a statement about the extravagance and extremity of God’s forgiveness. He isn’t cheap. He pardons abundantly. 

Forgiveness and the New Covenant

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“For this is the blood of the covenant, which is poured out for many for the forgiveness of sins.” (Matt. 26:28)

We’ve seen so far in this series that forgiveness is central to the character of God and how he has revealed himself. As with all other aspects of God’s character, forgiveness is most clearly shown through the person and work of Jesus Christ, God the son. It was at the fullness of time that Jesus was incarnate by the Holy Spirit, being born of the Virgin Mary, in order that he might establish a New Covenant. This covenant was promised and looked forward to throughout the Old Testament, and at the center of the promised covenant was forgiveness. 

Jeremiah 31:31-34 says this, “Behold, the days are coming, declares the LORD, when I will make a new covenant with the house of Israel and the house of Judah, not like the covenant that I made with their fathers on the day that I took them by the hand to bring them out of the land of Egypt, my covenant that they broke, though I was their husband, declares the LORD. For this is the covenant that I will make with the house of Israel after those days, declares the LORD: I will put my law within them, and I will write it on their hearts. And I will be their God and they shall be my people. And no longer shall each one teach his neighbor and each his brother, saying ‘Know the LORD’, for they shall all know me, from the least of them to the greatest, declares the LORD. For I will forgive their iniquity, and I will remember their sin no more.” 

The Mosaic covenant accomplished what it was intended to but not all that it pointed toward. Moses could lead the people to the border of the promised land, but he couldn’t actually take them in. Joshua had to lead them to take hold of what God had promised. In the same way the covenant given at Sinai pointed toward the new covenant in Christ. Like a guardian it led the people to the border (Gal. 3:24) but could not actually give them the fullness of what was promised. Christ was the greater Joshua, he was the one that had to lead the people into the fullness of the covenant promises. He accomplished this by means of the forgiveness of sins. 

Christ announced to his disciples on the night that he was betrayed that his shed blood was the means by which sins could be forgiven. There is no forgiveness of sins apart from the shedding of blood (Heb. 9:22). God’s justice needed to be satisfied, and so it was in Jesus’ death on the cross. All of the sacrifices of the old covenant were pointing toward something greater, a sacrifice that would actually accomplish the forgiveness of the sins of God’s people. Jesus’ death was that final sacrifice, a once for all sacrifice. That’s how Hebrews 10 speaks of the cross. “And every priest stands daily at his service, offering repeatedly the same sacrifices, which can never take away sins. But when Christ had offered for all time a single sacrifice for sins, he sat down at the right hand of God, waiting from that time until his enemies should be made a footstool for his feet. For by a single offering he has perfected for all time those who are being sanctified” (Heb. 10:11-14). We’re told that the Holy Spirit bears witness to this through the words of Jeremiah quoted above, “I will remember their sin no more.” 

That’s an interesting phrase isn’t it? Before I close out this article, we should talk about what that means. God’s forgiveness means he won’t remember our sins any longer. So does that mean God doesn’t know everything? Does he forget as in he doesn’t even realize that it happened? Some kind of self-imposed short term memory loss? Of course not. When God says he won’t remember your sins any longer he is speaking covenantally. Covenantally speaking, God no longer remembers your sins if you are in Christ. They no longer come into play in your relationship. It is as if they never took place. In Christ, God doesn’t treat you as sinful because Christ was sacrificed once and for all in your place. On the basis of that offering, he perfected you in God’s sight and brought you into the full promises of the New Covenant. 

Redemption and Forgiveness

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“He has delivered us from the domain of darkness and transferred us to the kingdom of his beloved Son, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins.” (Colossians 1:13-14)

There is a sense in which spiritual slavery is inevitable. You have two options: You can be a slave to sin or you can be a slave to Christ. There is no middle ground, and there is no neutrality. In our father Adam and in following after his ways, we have sold ourselves down river to the cruel taskmaster called sin. He is harsh and malevolent. Even more than that, being enslaved to sin allows for mistreatment in the spiritual realm. It puts us in the domain of darkness, the kingdom of the prince of the power of the air, where rulers and authorities (think demonic spirits) can ravage our souls, discourage faith, and deceive us in all manner of ways. 

When Christ came to establish his kingdom, the domain of darkness lost its grip. He set us free from slavery to sin, making us instead slaves of righteousness, and in doing so he was transferring us into his kingdom. We are still subjects but to a different King, and this one is worthy of our allegiance. He also, “disarmed the rulers and authorities and put them to open shame, by triumphing over them” (Col. 2:15). Literally he led them around in a victory parade. By rising from the dead, Christ put to shame all the spiritual powers that stood against him and his people. As a foretaste of this work in his earthly ministry, Jesus would cast out demons wherever he went freeing people from spiritual bondage (Mk. 1:39). 

All of this was part of his redemption of his people. To redeem means to buy back something, and it was a term regularly used of slaves. If someone had to sell themselves into slaverly due to their debts, someone else could buy them back or redeem them. Christ redeemed us in order that we might be his slaves, and this is true freedom. 

How did he accomplish this? The text printed above answers the question. It was through the forgiveness of our sins that redemption took place. In other words it was through Christ’s payment on the cross, the satisfaction of our debt, that we can be forgiven. So God’s forgiveness actually brings us into a new kingdom where we are given a new master, and in doing so, gives us true and lasting freedom. I said there is a sense in which we are still slaves, and that is true. But the reality of our position in the kingdom of God’s beloved Son is much more than that. Jesus said, “Truly, truly, I say to you, everyone who practices sin is a slave to sin. The slave does not remain in the house forever; the son remains forever. So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed” (Jn. 8:34-35). Later to his disciples he added, “You are my friends if you do what I command you. No longer do I call you servants, for the servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all that I have heard from my Father I have made known to you” (Jn. 15:14-15). You may have once been slaves to sin under the domain of darkness but through forgiveness you are now slaves of Christ which means you have been set free and are made friends of the Son.

The Cost of Forgiveness

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“For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God…” (Eph. 2:8)

It’s always important to remember that forgiveness comes as a gift. It’s not something that you earn. It’s not something that you worked really hard for and now receive because you deserve it. It’s a free gift for us, but that doesn’t mean there was no cost. Every gift costs something. The gift of salvation, and hence the gift of forgiveness was something that the Lord has given us by giving of himself. 

When you think about forgiveness, you need to realize that there is always going to be a cost. Justice requires that debts be paid and that sins be punished. The Lord could not have forgiven sins by simply saying, “no worries”, and moving on. No, he had to actually pay the penalty, covering the debt himself. 

Let’s try to illustrate this idea: Justice requires that when you steal something, you return it or pay for it. Let’s say a business owner finds out that you’ve stolen $100 of merchandise from them. That $100 has to be dealt with. It would be just for the owner to take you to court to make you repay what you have stolen. Let’s say the business owner decides to forgive what you have done and not make you repay it. Does that mean the -$100 on the books disappears? No, of course not. It simply means that the business owner is going to have to pay the price instead of you. Forgiveness is free for the one receiving it, not for the one giving it. 

When the Lord forgives sins, it didn’t come without cost. Christ didn’t die as an example alone, or just to make a show of his love. Those might be aspects of his atoning death, but he died primarily because it was necessary. It was the only way for redemption to actually be accomplished and God’s justice satisfied. The debt had to be paid, the question was would it be paid by us or would the Lord cover it himself. 

Isaiah 53 illustrates this well. Let’s focus on verse 5. “But he was wounded for our transgressions; he was crushed for our iniquities; upon him was the chastisement that brought us peace, and with his stripes we are healed.” He was wounded for our transgressions. He paid the penalty that we owed. We transgressed the Law, we were not obedient, and yet he bore what was coming to us. He had to be crushed if we were going to be spared. That is what justice required. Notice that we receive peace and we receive healing, but that wasn’t free. It wasn’t cheap. It was very costly. In order for us to receive, he had to pay. He received the chastisement and he received the stripes. 

Don’t forget that forgiveness isn’t free and it isn’t cheap. We sometimes think in those terms simply because we didn’t have to pay anything for the forgiveness we have received. When we start to give forgiveness to others we start to understand it is very costly. The glorious reality is that Christ paid our debt, he bore the penalty we deserved, he fulfilled all justice so that we might be forgiven. That reality is all the more powerful when you see what it costs. It was a gift that cost his very life. He gave of himself for your forgiveness.

What is the Chief End of Forgiveness?

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“But with you there is forgiveness, that you may be feared.” (Psalm 130:4)

When I ask my son, “What is the chief end of man?” He responds by singing, in the tune of Twinkle Twinkle Little Star, “The chief end of man is to glorify God and to enjoy him forever.” It really is one of the great joys I have as a father. Why does the shorter catechism start this way? It’s because it touches everything else. It’s because that is the final purpose for which God created mankind, and why in fact he created the world. God is glorifying himself through writing this story of life that we call history, revealing through it his character and person, calling forth from all of creation that praise and honor which he is due. 

What is the chief end of forgiveness? Forgiveness plays a central role in this story God is writing (and has already written) because it is central to his very character. He makes himself known as a forgiving God and he does so ultimately for his own glory. That might rub you the wrong way. If we knew another person who spent all of their life seeking to glorify themselves we would think very little of them. That’s because they aren’t God. The difference is he actually deserves it. When one of us acts as though we deserve to be glorified it looks bad because we are creatures and our created purpose was to glorify another, namely the Lord himself. But the Lord is the creator, sustainer, infinitely marvelous God who is, as we often sing, beyond all praising. 

It’s only right and good that forgiveness would ultimately be done for the glory and honor of our God. So it is. “I am writing to you, little children, because your sins are forgiven for his name’s sake” (1 Jn. 2:12). Forgiveness is given for the Lord’s name’s sake, in order that he would be glorified and honored, and that he might be seen as both just and loving, because that is who he is. Was this a new idea that John came up with? No, he was familiar with the Scriptures and knew that the Lord had said this himself. “I, I am he who blots out your transgressions for my own sake, and I will not remember your sins” (Is. 43:25). 

Everything that we think, say and do is to be done to the glory of God (1 Cor. 10:31). This is what we were created to do. We do this more and more in our lives because we are being renewed after the image of God, and this is what God does. He seeks to glorify himself. His forgiveness leads to us fearing him, seeing him as he is, obeying him, and thus glorifying him in our lives. Once you get a glimpse of the greatness and glory of the infinite God, the natural response is to want to do anything and everything for his glory. The natural response is to worship him and to want everything and everyone to join in. 

Forgiveness thus serves alongside everything else that the Lord does. It points us back to him and what he has done. It turns our eyes heavenward to the Lord on his throne. It brings us back to glorify him as he deserves and as we were made to do. The chief end of forgiveness is to glorify God. 

So… What Now?

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“Repent therefore, and turn again, that your sins may be blotted out…” (Acts 3:19)

If you’ve kept up with these posts on forgiveness wait to go, keep it up. Hopefully they have been beneficial for you. Up to this point, all we’ve really looked at is forgiveness from God’s perspective. That is to say we’ve looked at forgiveness as part of God’s character and his work through Christ. From here we will be moving forward to what forgiveness looks like in the life of a believer, but first, an important question: What now? What are you supposed to do with the forgiving character of God? 

The first answer comes to you if you are new to the idea of God’s forgiveness. If this is what God is like, if he is full of love, compassion and forgiveness, how should you respond to him? Repent and believe. It’s really simple and yet as hard as anything can be. Christ has come, the time of ignorance has past, and now everyone everywhere is called to repent of their sins and bend the knee to Jesus as Lord. That includes you. If you repent, the text above makes clear that your sins, “will be blotted out.” To repent means to turn away from, have a change of mind. You turn away from a life of sin as God’s word defines it and seek new life in Christ. 

This has to be paired with true belief or trust in who Christ is and what he has done. “To him (Jesus) all the prophets bear witness that everyone who believes in him receives forgiveness of sins through his name.” The only way to be forgiven of your sins, to find peace of conscience, to be free of your guilt and shame, is through true faith in Jesus. There is no other name by which you can be saved. You can try, but you won’t find any other method able to ultimately fulfill a promise of salvation. 

What about if you have done that? What if you are a believer? Sometimes we tell others about the radical forgiveness of God in Christ, but once we are standing upon that forgiveness we seem to forget. All of a sudden we are fearful when we fall into sin. But God is just as forgiving today as he was when you first came to know Christ. “My little children, I am writing these things to you so that you may not sin. But if anyone does sin, we have an advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ the righteous” (1 Jn. 2:1). You will often sin and see that you are not righteous in yourself but your righteousness is Christ’s righteousness. He continues to intercede for you and stand as your advocate. You need not fear if you are truly in Christ. Your sin has been dealt with. That isn’t a false promise used by the church to get you in. It’s actually true. 

The Lord Jesus showed his forgiving heart when on the cross. “And when they came to the place that is called The Skull, there they crucified him, and the criminals, one on his right and one on his left. And Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do” (Lk. 23:33-34). It’s amazing that in the greatest moment of agony, when the worst of sins ever committed was taking place against him, still Christ calls for forgiveness. If he is such a Lord, what would keep you from turning from your sin and following him? Christian, no matter what sin you have fallen into, nothing should keep you from returning to your Lord once again for forgiveness.  

Forgiving like God

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“Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” Ephesians 4:32

Over the past several months we have worked through all kinds of texts from scripture that reveal something about the character of God with special focus on what his forgiveness looks like. Moving forward, we will be looking at what forgiveness should look like in the life of the believer. To begin, we look at the text quoted above. As you can see, if you are a Christian, you are commanded to forgive others just like God has forgiven you, through the work of Christ. This has implications that will take hold of every area of your life.

You are supposed to forgive others like God has forgiven you. That raises the question once more, “How has God forgiven me? What does his forgiveness look like?” It’s definitely not an exhaustive list, but here is what has been covered about God and his forgiveness in this series so far:

  1. Forgiveness is a totally different way of looking at the world that can only come through first being forgiven in Christ. 
  2. Forgiveness is part of the character of God. 
  3. Forgiveness means God doesn’t treat us as we deserve.
  4. Forgiveness means that God has removed our sins from us.
  5. Forgiveness means that God as a Father doesn’t allow sin to define how he treats us.
  6. God is ready, willing, and quick to forgive our sins if we will turn to him. 
  7. Forgiveness means that God has trampled sin under his feet on the cross. 
  8. God’s forgiveness is bountiful and abundant. He is rich in grace. 
  9. God forgives for his own glory.
  10. Forgiveness redeemed us from the domain of darkness and was the central promise of the New Covenant that Christ brought through his blood. 
  11. Forgiveness is not earned but is a gift from God. 
  12. Forgiveness was costly, it took God giving of himself, dying on the cross. 
  13. Forgiveness should lead us to repentance and faith. 

If you are to forgive others like God, then it has to come out of a place of true forgiveness. What I mean is that if you look at this list, the reality is that you simply can’t accomplish these things on your own. You do have to first be forgiven in order to start truly forgiving others. If that has happened to you, then you have the opportunity to live as Christ to your family, friends and neighbors, even your enemies. In fact, you don’t have the option any longer.

Colossians and Ephesians were written by Paul around the same time period and have a lot of overlap in content. This is how Paul puts a similar idea in Colossians 3:12-13, “Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.” Forgiveness isn’t optional for you as a Christian. You must forgive as you have been forgiven. This is a central piece of obedience. What that means is manifold but following the list above it at least means that following:

  1. Having been forgiven you will have to look at the world and those who sin against you in a new and different way then you would like to by nature. 
  2. This has to come from an internal work of the Spirit as your character is changed and renewed in the image of Christ. 
  3. You will not always treat people as they deserve but rather reach out to others in grace even when they have sinned against you. 
  4. You will have to forget the sins of others covenantally speaking and not allow it to define the way you relate to them.
  5. You will have to be ready, willing and quick to forgive others when they confess their sins to you. 
  6. You should have a heart of forgiveness and be overflowing with grace for others.
  7. Your forgiveness in one sense should not be earned because it has already been purchased by Christ.
  8. Forgiving others will often be costly for you. It is not cheap or flippant and may be quite difficult.
  9. You should forgive with the desire that it will lead others toward greater repentance and faith toward God as it points to Christ’s forgiveness.
  10. All of this should be done for the glory of God not your own glory. 

That might seem like a tall order. That’s because it is. Remember though that this isn’t done in order to earn the forgiveness of God. That’s why we started by looking at God’s forgiveness. It starts there. Forgive as God in Christ has forgiven you. You have been given the greatest of all gifts, forgiveness of all your sins which deserve the eternal wrath of God. So now on that basis you should also be forgiving those around you. We will try to work out each of these items in more detail as we look at what we are called to as believers, but for now meditate on this command, “as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.”

Uncovering Iniquity

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“If you, O Lord, should mark iniquities, O Lord who could stand?” (Psalm 130:3)

One of the problems we have with forgiveness is not as much a problem with forgiveness as it is a problem with self-righteousness. Our perception of ourselves can seriously hinder how we understand forgiveness. If you have too high a view of yourself and haven’t come to recognize how sinful you are in light of the holiness of God, then it will be harder for you to forgive others. You’re covering your iniquity, but that doesn’t work. Yes your iniquity needs to be covered, but it takes more than hiding to cover it, it takes a sacrifice (Gen. 3:21). So for forgiveness to begin, you need to uncover yourself from self-righteousness and look straight at your sin, not to dwell on it, but so that you can take it in all its darkness to the light of the world so it can be removed. 

If you don’t think you are that sinful or you think you have been freed from the presence of sin on this side of glory, then you are deceiving yourself (1 Jn. 1:8). You don’t get it. The reality is adequately stated by the preacher in Ecclesiastes, “Surely there is not a righteous man on earth who does good and never sins” (Ecc. 7:20). Or as Paul would put it later, “all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God” (Rom. 3:23). If you think you are good, you aren’t. If you think highly of yourself, you shouldn’t. 

In the realm of forgiving others, this comes out when you see someone sin in a way which you don’t think yourself capable. “Lord, thank you that I am not a sinner like this drug addict. This homosexual. This woman with countless sexual partners. This pagan.” That’s the heart of a pharisee. You should be able to say with the tax collector, “Lord have mercy on me, a sinner.” You should be able to say with the Apostle Paul that you are the worst of sinners. This isn’t to flatten sin and say that all sins are equally heinous in the eyes of God. They aren’t (see the Shorter Catechism question 23). It’s also not to shy away from calling sin sin. Everything I mentioned above is sinful and evil in the sight of God. The question is really how do you see yourself. If you don’t realize how sinful you are, then you won’t be able to forgive others of their sin because you won’t understand what it is that you have been forgiven. 

You need to realize the weight of your sin. “For my iniquities have gone over my head; like a heavy burden, they are too heavy for me” (Ps. 38:3-4). This isn’t so you are crushed beneath it, but so you realize that someone else has to bear the burden on your behalf, namely Christ. Why does the Bible speak of bestiality? Prostitution? Witchcraft? Effeminacy or androgyny? Cross dressing? Idolatry? Murder and human sacrifice? It’s because apart from the grace of God, that is where your heart would go. There are no breaks in the human heart. Those sins that repulse you most should repulse you, but they should repulse you knowing that that is where you could end up if not for the restraining hand of God and his giving of a new heart. When you cover your iniquity with a self-righteousness, it is a false perception. 

The need, as mentioned earlier, is not that you shouldn’t seek a covering for your iniquity. It is that you would seek that which is actually an effective cover. “I acknowledged my sin to you, and I did not cover my iniquity; I said, ‘I will confess my transgressions to the Lord,’ and you forgave the iniquity of my sin. (Ps. 32:5). You need to realize how sinful you are so that you turn and seek the mercy of God. Apart from this you can’t understand forgiveness, how could you start actually understanding how to forgive others? You must turn to the Lord and say with David, “Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity, and cleanse me from my sin! For I know my transgressions, and my sin is ever before me” (Ps. 51:2).

Covering Offences

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“Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins.” (1 Pet. 4:8)

Conceptually, you can’t really talk about forgiveness in seclusion from the other characteristics of God which he calls for in us. There is intersection between forgiveness and justice, wrath, holiness, grace, and of course love. It was out of the great love that God had that he made forgiveness possible through Christ. “God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners Christ died for us” (Rom. 5:8). So as God loved us through showing forgiveness, so we should see forgiveness as a part of our love toward others. 

Central to this is the idea of covering offenses. To cover over an offense is to forgive it. The reality is that whenever you find people together, you will find ways that they offend one another. Sinful people have a habit of sinning against others. Perfection cannot be reached this side of glory so the only way to deal with imperfection in the here and now is to forgive, to cover up offences. This is done on the basis of Christ doing it for us. Because the Lord has covered our offences with the blood of Christ, we are free to do the same for others. 

Let’s try to work that out practically. Think of a time when someone said something that offended you. It felt like an attack on you personally. Maybe it was a joke that was directed at you, or told at your expense. How does love deal with that? It covers it. You don’t have to let that small offense dictate how you live. You can simply forgive, put it out of your mind (remember it no more) and don’t allow it to break your relationship. Think of a time when someone close to you let information out that you wanted to remain private. You could let that cause a major rift, or you could cover that offense by forgiving them. That’s what love does. 

If you don’t have that kind of forgiving love then it will lead to regular disruption in relationships. “Hatred stirs up strife, but love covers all offenses” (Prov. 10:12). If you brood over an offense, if it keeps coming to mind over and over and you dwell on it, if when you think of certain people all you can think of is the list of wrongs they have done you, then you are living in a spirit of hatred not love. Hate keeps a list of wrongs committed, love forgives. Hate allows bitterness and malice to grow, love forgives. 

Love through forgiveness provides the only stable kind of unity that we can have together. “Whoever covers an offense seeks love, but he who repeats a matter separates close friends” (Prov. 17:9). When someone sins against you and you just want to keep bringing it up and rub it in their face, you are laying the foundation for the destruction of the friendship. Bitterness doesn’t bind people together. Only love does that. Love is like velcro. It keeps people together. It makes a relationship difficult to pull apart. That only works when you work to cover the offenses of others. Imagine if we all did that. You didn’t hold onto that negative image of the person across the pew from you. You quickly forgot the harsh word from your spouse. You thought the best of your neighbors intentions instead of reading each word with suspicion. To love one another well requires true forgiveness. 

God Doesn’t Want your Money 

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“So if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar and go. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift.” (Matt. 5:23-24)

You have priorities. There are certain qualities that you desire in someone over others. If you are a schedule oriented person, you probably prefer that someone contact you ahead of time to plan a visit rather than just dropping in on you last minute. If you are more spontaneous, you might not plan anything and would be delighted when someone just drops in to say hello. Different people have different priorities. There are certain qualities that trump others. Say you think it’s important that someone be quick to respond when you text them. That might be important to you, but it probably isn’t as important as someone being honest. So you would prefer a friend who never responds to your texts but is honest when you do interact, to someone who is quick to respond to you but lies regularly. Certain qualities take priority in our relationships. 

There are certain priorities that God has in how we are to live. “For you will not delight in sacrifice, or I would give it; you will not be pleased with a burnt offering. The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise” (Ps. 51:16-17). God instituted sacrifice, he regulated how it was to be done. It was important to him that people be a part of the sacrificial system in the Old Testament era because it pointed to Christ. Still it was far more important that the worshiper’s heart be right before God, than the act of sacrifice be performed. The outward action was not as important as the condition of the heart. “Rend your hearts and not your garments” (Joel 2:13). 

This applies in the church. God prefers reconciliation to tithing. The passage quoted above from Matthew shows that priority. If you need to be reconciled and have not yet been reconciled to someone, then God doesn’t want your money. He would rather you go seek forgiveness than give to the church. That doesn’t mean he doesn’t want you to give. He still loves a cheerful giver. It means that giving is an outward show of devotion that is not as important as being reconciled to one another. 

What this means is that as we seek to follow the Lord we should cultivate those things which are most important to him. The inward attitude of the heart should take priority over mere outward obedience. This is in no way to deny the importance of the outward obedience, but rather to find its true source. What good is your giving if you aren’t giving of yourself to those whom you have sinned against? Seek forgiveness, seek reconciliation, and your giving will actually please God. If you don’t do that, then you might as well keep your money, God doesn’t want it. 

If You Don’t Forgive

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“For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.” (Matt. 6:14-15)

If you do not forgive, you will not be forgiven. That’s it. That’s all you need to know. That should be frightening, and its attested over and over again. “And whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone, so that your Father also who is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses” (Mk. 11:25). “Judge not, and you will not be judged; condemn not, and you will not be condemned; forgive, and you will be forgiven” (Lk. 6:37). 

Perhaps most noteworthy is the parable of the unforgiving servant. If you remember this series started by looking at Peter’s question about how often he is to forgive. Jesus follows his answer of “seventy-seven times” with this parable, quoted here in totality:

“Therefore the kingdom of heaven may be compared to a king who wished to settle accounts with his servants. When he began to settle, one was brought to him who owed him ten thousand talents. And since he could not pay, his master ordered him to be sold, with his wife and children and all that he had, and payment to be made. So the servant fell on his knees, imploring him, ‘Have patience with me, and I will pay you everything.’ And out of pity for him, the master of that servant released him and forgave him the debt. But when that same servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii, and seizing him, he began to choke him, saying, ‘Pay what you owe.’ So his fellow servant fell down and pleaded with him, ‘Have patience with me, and I will pay you.’ He refused and went and put him in prison until he should pay the debt. When his fellow servants saw what had taken place, they were greatly distressed, and they went and reported to their master all that had taken place. Then his master summoned him and said to him, ‘You wicked servant! I forgave you all that debt because you pleaded with me. And should not you have had mercy on your fellow servant, as I had mercy on you?’ And in anger his master delivered him to the jailers, until he should pay all his debt. So also my heavenly Father will do to every one of you, if you do not forgive your brother from your heart” (Matt. 18:23-35). 

This is meant to be a warning for how we interact with one another. If you are in Christ, then you have been forgiven an unbelievable debt. A debt that you would have to spend all eternity paying off. Christ took that debt and paid it off. How could you be upset when someone owes you a nickel? How could you withhold forgiveness from someone for a small offense when you have been forgiven all of your sin against God? That’s the heart of the matter. If you don’t forgive, then you don’t understand the gospel. You don’t know Christ. True forgiveness is only found in him and our ability to forgive one another flows out of what he has done. To deny forgiveness to someone is to deny Christ. As a Christian you should be able to pray, “Forgive me my debts as I also forgive my debtors.”

Friends of Forgiveness

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“But I say to you who hear, love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you and pray for those who abuse you.” (Luke 6:27-28)

One of the things that I have tried to make clear in this series on forgiveness is that you have to start with God’s forgiveness and a changed heart. If you don’t start there, you aren’t getting on the wrong flight, you never even made it to the airport. Now, because it all starts with a changed heart, you shouldn’t be surprised that a spirit of forgiveness is never alone. When forgiveness comes to the party, he brings all of his friends along as well. A spirit of forgiveness is a part of a matrix of heart attitudes that should all be understood in light of each other. Though we can’t go into detail about each one of these here, it would be good to look at some of these “friends” of the spirit of forgiveness. 

Look first at the passage above from Luke 6. Think about the difference between your natural heart attitude and what Jesus requires of us. There is a sort of parallelism going on. You are told to love/do good/bless/pray for those who are your enemies, who hate/curse/abuse you. That’s a pretty serious command, and it comes from the same attitude as forgiveness. You aren’t looking to get others back for how they harm you, instead you seek their good. You love them when they hate you. Your mouth speaks blessing over them, and prays for their good, even though they are trying to curse you, slander you, and even find ways to harm you. Think again of Jesus’ example on the cross as he prayed forgiveness for those who were literally killing him. 

Forgiving others is often listed among other character traits that are supposed to be seen in a Christians life. Ephesians 4:31-32 says, “Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” Forgiveness is simply one item on the list. As a Christian you shouldn’t have a heart that dwells on the wrongs or perceived wrongs that have been done against you (bitterness). You shouldn’t get worked up and heated over the actions of others (wrath and anger) or try to even things out with your words (clamor and slander). Get rid of it all. Put it away, you don’t need to respond that way. Don’t let others have that kind of power over you, controlling your reactions by their actions. Don’t react, act. Do what the Lord has called you to do. You can choose to be kind and tenderhearted, working for the good even of those who seek harm for you. 

Paul has similar words in Colossians 3. In his list of things you should “put on” as a Christian, he includes compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, patience, forgiveness, love, peace, thankfulness and more. So you see again that forgiveness is one of many different character traits in this matrix of heart attitudes. Let’s zoom in on one of these. In vs. 13a Paul speaks of, “bearing with one another.” That’s a great phrase because it captures the emotion of it.  When you group a bunch of sinful people together in a family household or in the greater church body what you find is that, you guessed it, they are still sinful. I know, hard to believe, but it’s true. This results in hurt feelings, conflict, tension, stress, misunderstanding and all kinds of other relational friction. When that happens it will all fall apart if you aren’t willing to bear with one another. It’s not easy, hence it’s “bearing” not “frolicking”, not “laughing”, not “chilling”, but “bearing.” It’s like carrying a large weight. It’s difficult. It’s not always straightforward. It’s confusing and sometimes you will probably groan under the pain it brings you, but it’s worth it.  This is all part of the spirit of forgiveness. A heart of forgiveness doesn’t travel alone.

True Justice

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“Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, ‘Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.’” (Rom. 12:19)

What makes it hard to forgive? Obviously, you could say sin, the fallen nature, corruption, etc. I want you to exegete yourself on a deeper level. What are some of the reasons you use when you refuse to forgive someone in your heart? There are many answers here, but one that I think is very prevalent is justice or some false sense thereof. When you resent someone and hold onto the bitterness, when you allow anger to build and animosity to grow, I think that if you listened to your heart a little closer you would hear it say, “They deserve this.” Or maybe, “They don’t deserve my forgiveness.” 

Why do we do that? Why do we try to take things into our own hands and wish to deal out vengeance as we see fit? Ultimately, it must be that we don’t trust God to be just. Look with me at the commands of scripture: “Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord” (Rom. 12:17-19). It’s not just Paul either. Add to this what Peter says, “Do not repay evil for evil or reviling for reviling, but on the contrary, bless, for to this you were called, that you may obtain a blessing” (1 Pet. 3:9). 

As a Christian you don’t have to “get them back.” They will get what is coming to them, good or ill, from the Lord himself. This is a good reminder that true justice can really only be found when you start with God. I was struck by this when preaching through 1 Timothy. In 1 Timothy 5:19 Paul commands, “Do not admit a charge against an elder except on the evidence of two or three witnesses.” This is simply a restatement of the Mosaic law of requiring 2 or more witnesses, and I had read both many times before. However, when working through the passage I asked a question that I had evidently not had before, “What if there are less than 2 witnesses?” What should you do if there is a chargeable offense committed by an Elder but there isn’t more than one line of independent testimony against him? Nothing. 

Doesn’t that seem unfair? That’s how I felt originally. But then, think through the other option. You could listen to every accusation against every Elder and act on only one witness, leading to unjustified discipline against many innocent parties. In this life, God has determined that innocent until proven guilty is better than guilty until proven innocent. Much less harm will come by following his commands. 

Now what does that have to do with God’s justice and our lack of forgiveness? Well, the same impulse that says it’s unfair that anyone could get away with sin and so we should move to a “guilty until proven innocent” model without proper witnesses to the offense, that same impulse is what causes us to say, “I can hold onto my bitterness because they deserve it.” It’s the impulse of someone who has forgotten God. If this worldly existence is all that there is, and when we die we simply cease to exist, then we need to do everything we can to punish anyone who has possibly done wrong because there is no justice after the grave. Of course all of that being true would make justice itself an absurd idea. But this life isn’t all there is. When someone sins against you and gets away with it, either it will be dealt with in Christ or will be dealt with before him as he is seated on the judgement seat. There is not one sin that will not be dealt with by God in this life or the next, and he has told you that he will be the one to take vengeance.

So why do you forget him? Why do you try to take matters into your own hands? Hopefully you can see that a lack of a forgiving spirit is not simply a little slip up but a lack of faith, hope and love. Trust God, know that He is both just and the justifier of men. If vengeance is necessary he will take it. Don’t repay evil for evil, but do what God has done in repaying your evil with blessing upon blessing, grace upon grace.

Is Forgiveness Conditional?

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“Pay attention to yourselves! If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him, and if he sins against you seven times in the day, and turns to you seven times, saying, ‘I repent,’ you must forgive him.” (Luke 17:3-4)

Wait, is that an out? We’ve been working through this forgiveness series and so far it has seemed that as Christians we are commanded to forgive no matter the circumstance. But look at Jesus’ words above. “If your brother sins, rebuke him, and IF he repents, forgive him…” Well, that sounds way easier. I guess you don’t have to forgive anyone until they repent right? 

Obviously there would be something wrong with an attitude that looks for opportunity not to forgive someone. That is a heart that hasn’t understood forgiveness. But isn’t that what the passage above is saying? Clearly there must be something conditional about forgiveness right? Well, yes and no. Jesus does set up a situation here where someone has been sinned against, and he gives them very clear instructions on what to do about it. Notice that the focus is on the forgiving, so forgiveness is the main point. As with any other passage, this all needs to be taken in the context of the rest of Scripture, and here’s something that is interesting. As far as I’m aware (and I’m fine being proven wrong), this is the only passage in the Bible dealing with forgiveness that includes a conditional. 

Here’s what I think is going on. Most of the passages we have covered in this series deal with a spirit of forgiveness, or a forgiving heart. Spoken of in this way, forgiveness is something you can do before anyone repents and even if they never do. You can forgive them in your heart, which means that everything that you can do leading to reconciliation has been done. But that can’t reconcile you to someone else until they turn from their sin. The forgiveness spoken of above could be called transactional or reconciliatory forgiveness. This is where forgiveness comes to its fullest fruition in the complete reconciliation of two people. 

This is not two levels of forgiveness but two different ways of talking about it. When you’ve been slandered and lied to or about by someone you considered a friend and they know what they have done, you can forgive them in your heart. You can come to a place, in light of God’s forgiveness, where you are completely ready to overflow with forgiveness toward them and put the sin behind you, but if they never repent of the sin to you then you will not be able to see that forgiveness actualized to the fullest extent in the reconciliation of the friendship. 

When your sins were laid on Christ as he died on the cross, you were forgiven. Christ said it was finished. But that forgiveness doesn’t take hold in your life until you repent of your sin and turn to God in faith. This isn’t exactly what we are talking about here, but it is analogous. In Christ’s case, his forgiveness is effective and totally accomplishes its end goal. In our case, on the basis of Christ’s forgiveness, we can cover over a multitude of sins and forgive someone in our heart. In this way we prepare for the end goal. This goal of your forgiveness, reconciliation, won’t take effect until it is received. That is when forgiveness among men is complete.

Forgiving Much

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“He is the propitiation for our sins, and not for ours only but also for the sins of the whole world.” (1 John 2:2)

God isn’t thin or cheap with forgiveness. He overflows with it. One of the striking things when you read through scripture, or just look around you, is that God isn’t a perfectionist. He’s way better than that. A perfectionist wouldn’t put up with Abraham, Isaac or Jacob. A perfectionist wouldn’t call David a man after his own heart. What would you think of the women in Jesus’ genealogy if you met them? Or Paul, as one untimely born, killing the people of God before the Lord calls him. We wouldn’t have used any of them. We wouldn’t choose any of them. God did. Christ died for them. He forgives much. None of them deserved his forgiveness. We fit right in. 

Look at Jesus’ words in Luke 7:44-48: “Then turning toward the woman he said to Simon, “Do you see this woman? I entered your house; you gave me no water for my feet, but she has wet my feet with her tears and wiped them with her hair. You gave me no kiss, but from the time I came in she has not ceased to kiss my feet. You did not anoint my head with oil, but she has anointed my feet with ointment. Therefore I tell you, her sins, which are many, are forgiven—for she loved much. But he who is forgiven little, loves little.” And he said to her, “Your sins are forgiven.” Would you forgive a woman like that? The disciples thought he was making a mistake, but Jesus was revealing the very heart of God. He forgives much. 

This is then an example for us to follow. There are sins that are easy to forgive. Not all sins are equal. Some will have fewer consequences and may hurt you less. Though we don’t want to belittle the significance of any sin, it’s simply true that some will do more damage. There is a difference in damage between what a hammer can do when hit against drywall and what a sledge hammer can do when used on the same wall. So it is with sin. The consequences of a loose word, though damaging, is not at the same level as a murder. 

It’s much easier to forgive a loose word then it would be a murder. Surely God wouldn’t expect that of us, would he? Is there any example of someone doing that in scripture? “And as they were stoning Stephen, he called out, “Lord Jesus, receive my spirit.” And falling to his knees he cried out with a loud voice, “Lord, do not hold this sin against them.” And when he had said this, he fell asleep” (Acts 7:59-60). Stephen’s stoning is written to directly recall Christ’s own death, and his own call for forgiveness of the murderers around him. That’s a striking example for us. It’s not to say it’s easy. Remember, as we have discussed already in this series, forgiveness is costly not cheap. But how much more has God forgiven you? 

Murder is just one of many examples. There are many great sins that need a great amount of forgiveness. It is both in the small everyday sins, the ones that would be easy to brush aside, and those that hurt the most and cut the deepest that God has forgiven. There is no sin greater than his power to forgive. Take that as a reminder, maybe even a challenge. If you have been forgiven much you should also, like Christ, forgive much. 

Calling Out for Forgiveness

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“Let it be known to you therefore, brothers, that through this man forgiveness of sins is proclaimed to you, and by him everyone who believes is freed from everything from which you could not be freed by the law of Moses.” (Acts 13:38-39)

We’ve been walking through the scriptural teaching on forgiveness for some time now. I hope it’s been encouraging to you; I know it’s been helpful for me. I have two more articles coming after this. One is on Ken Sande’s 4 promises of forgiveness and the final is a recommended reading list. So, this is the last post that will dwell directly on the scripture in this forgiveness series. As we come to the end of this series, it seems best to finish once more with the call of the gospel, a call which leads you to call out and receive the forgiveness of God. 

The forgiveness of God is all of grace. It’s not something you work for and earn. It’s not something that you can find within yourself. It’s something proclaimed from outside of you. That’s important for many reasons, but one is because if you think you have earned God’s forgiveness, you will also think that others have to earn yours. You will turn forgiveness into a work instead of a grace. Law can’t free you from sin or guilt or shame. Only grace does that.

Look at Acts 22. This is one of several times that Paul’s conversion story is recounted in the New Testament. Having been blinded and called by Christ on the road to Damascus, Paul is met by Ananias whom the Lord had sent to him. Ananias prayed for him to receive his sight, and then gave him his commission from the Lord, that he would be a witness of all the Lord had done. Acts 22:16, “And now why do you wait? Rise and be baptized and wash away your sins, calling on his name.”

If you are reading this and you are burdened under the guilt and shame of unforgiven sin, if you have never truly repented of your sins and found complete forgiveness and freedom in Christ, then why do you wait? You aren’t guaranteed tomorrow, but even right this minute you can be saved. You can be forgiven and experience the renewing of God’s Spirit. Baptism can wash away your sins, not as a removal of dirt from the body in a physical act but as an appeal of faith to God for his righteousness (1 Pet. 3:21). 

Notice that all of it is tied to “calling on his name.” It’s not a physical baptism that brings forgiveness. It’s not your own supposed righteousness that God responds to in cleansing you from sin. It’s not calling on your name that will save you. There is one name under heaven by which you can be forgiven and that is the name of the Lord Jesus Christ (Acts 4:12). It’s in his name alone that you can find forgiveness, so why wait? Call on his name. Perhaps you already have. Then don’t forget your first love. Don’t think that you were given grace that you might once again earn the love of God. Call out again and find that you still stand forgiven by the atoning sacrifice of Christ’s death. There is true forgiveness of sins. Call out to him and you will find it.

Four Promises of Forgiveness

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One of the more helpful resources that I have found and that I often bring up in counseling others is Ken Sande’s four promises of forgiveness. You can find this in several different works by Peacemaking Ministries. Personally, I first read it in The Peacemaking Pastor by Alfred Poirier. It changed how I understand forgiveness. 

The four promises are four promises that you make when you forgive someone biblically. They are as follows:  

  1. “I will not dwell on this incident.”
  2. “I will not bring up this incident again and use it against you.”
  3. “I will not talk to others about this incident.”
  4. “I will not let this incident stand between us or hinder our personal relationship.” 

Let’s look at each one and flesh it out a little more. Promise #1 is, “I will not dwell on this incident.” Think about a time that someone wronged you, asked your forgiveness, and you said the words, “I forgive you”, and subsequently started to think about the incident and play it over and over in your head. Maybe you told them off in a fake conversation in the shower or in the car, giving them what they deserve. You never really forgave them did you? When God forgives, he promises to remember our sins no more, and that is what it means not to dwell on the incident. Obviously, you can’t forget the facts of what happened, at least not right away, but you can make a conscious decision to no longer dwell on it and when it comes into your mind, to push it right back out.

Promise #2 is, “I will not bring up this incident again and use it against you.” If you aren’t dwelling on it you won’t be bringing it up, so you see there is logical consistency in these promises. More importantly, see again how this is the forgiveness that God models. Does God use your sin against you once you have been forgiven? Of course not. So when you have forgiven your wife for belittling you and disrespecting you in front of others, you don’t get to remind her of it to manipulate her into doing something for you. When you have forgiven your husband for his regular lack of sensitivity and he once again is harsh with his words, you don’t get to say, “See you’re doing it again, just like every other time…” This is a promise not to use sin as a leverage point to manipulate people. 

Promise #3 says, “I will not talk to others about this incident.” Imagine you have sinned against a family member or close friend. They point it out, you ask their forgiveness and they say you have it. How would you then feel if you walked into the room as they were telling a group of other friends or family about what you did wrong. That’s not forgiveness. True forgiveness means it’s been dealt with, it’s taken care of, it won’t come up again. If you feel the need to tell others about what has happened, not only is that probably sinful in itself (gossip) but it shows that the sin has not truly been dealt with.

The final promise, #4, is, “I will not let this incident stand between us or hinder our personal relationship.” God doesn’t allow our sin to break our relationship with him. He forgives it and reconciles us to himself in Christ. Because of his act of reconciliatory forgiveness, we can now forgive one another in the same manner. You don’t have to let sin destroy your marriage. It doesn’t have to keep you from speaking to your Father or Mother. You aren’t forced to sit in your bitterness, resentment or anger. When you forgive someone, truly forgive them, you make the promise not to break your relationship with them. This isn’t possible outside of Christ, but in him the world is being reconciled. You don’t have to be captive to someone’s sin against you. In forgiveness you can find true freedom. 

Hopefully you find this helpful. I would recommend committing these four to memory and think about them the next time you say, “I forgive you.” This is what it really looks like to forgive. 

Recommended Reading on Forgiveness

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I’ve enjoyed spending the last year or so reflecting on forgiveness, and I will no doubt come back to it sometime, but for now I plan to move on to other writing projects. I do realize that I have barely scratched the surface. There is so much more especially on the practical outworkings of forgiveness in your various relationships and I’m sure that all the books in the world couldn’t contain it all. Still for now, I’m going to move on to other things. Before we are through, I did want to give a recommended reading list if you want to keep reflecting and growing in the area of forgiveness. If that is something you want to do then I would recommend the following:

  1. “The Hiding Place”  by Corrie Ten Boom
  2. “Tramp for the Lord” by Corrie Ten Boom

Corrie Ten Boom faced God’s forgiveness and what it requires of us as Christians in a way that not many have. Experiencing a Nazi prison camp would turn most of us into bitter people. That’s what makes these books so incredible. The depth of experiential understanding that this woman has on the topic of forgiveness is tremendous. I have a strange experience in reading someone like Corrie Ten Boom, where I will read one of her theological stances that I strongly disagree with (for example her understanding that the Anti-Christ was coming soon for instance) and yet I know she will be seated much closer to the Lord Jesus than I will at the wedding feast of the lamb. 

  1. “The Peacemaker” by Ken Sande
  2. “Peacemaking for Families” by Ken Sande
  3. “Managing Everyday Conflict” by Ken Sande

Ken Sande gets the practical outworking of the scripture’s teaching on forgiveness better than anyone I have read. He will give you helpful tools to use in your day to day life that put into practice the Lord’s commands to forgive. These resources are so helpful and I could not recommend them more. 

  1. “How To Be Free From Bitterness” by Jim Wilson

Reading Jim Wilson’s book is like getting a no nonsense, straight forward talk from your dad. What some might take a chapter in saying, Jim just gives you a simple sentence and tells you to do it. If you don’t understand what I mean by that, I think you will if you read it. Few books have convicted me as thoroughly and helped me so quickly. 

  1. “Unpacking Forgiveness” by Chris Brauns

This is the only book on the list that I haven’t personally read, but I do still recommend it. I’ve had lunch with Pastor Chris and read another book of his called “Bound Together.” I think you will find the same practical wisdom here as you will with Ken Sande’s material. 

So if you get a chance, pick up one of the above books and give it a read. Far more importantly, you need to keep meditating on what God has revealed in his word. The books above are simply helpful guides along the Bible road. I do have a goal to edit all of the articles on Forgiveness that I’ve written into a small booklet of some kind. I’ve wanted to learn how to self-publish and thought this would be a good way to start. Of course I do often have more ambition than time, so we will see whether that comes to fruition. Ultimately, I just hope this has been helpful for you and that you have learned a little more about the forgiveness from God in Christ and how that changes the way you relate to others. May God make us forgiving people!